What To Do When the Leader's EQ Is S#!t

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—your own and other people’s. In leadership, it’s the difference between someone who builds a high-performing, resilient team and someone who creates a workplace that feels like a psychological war zone.

EQ isn’t some fluffy concept from a motivational poster. It’s about empathy and self-regulation. It’s about knowing when to shut up, when to listen, and when to respond without blowing up the room. Leaders with high EQ build trust, keep communication open, and make better decisions. Leaders with low EQ? They burn everything to the ground and wonder why no one wants to stay.

Let’s stop pretending it’s rare. Some leaders have the emotional intelligence of a traffic cone. They don’t listen. They don’t care. They believe empathy is a weakness and that feedback is a personal attack. If you’ve worked under one, you know the damage they cause.

This post is your field guide. You’ll learn how to spot low EQ in action, how to protect yourself, how to lead up without losing your mind, and how to make sure you don’t become the same kind of disaster. And if all else fails, you’ll know when to walk.

What Happens When the Boss Has the EQ of a Cactus

When a leader has no emotional intelligence, the fallout is immediate and brutal—morale tanks. People stop talking. Creativity dies. Turnover becomes the norm. A fear-based culture takes over, where nobody feels safe enough to speak the truth or challenge bad ideas.

Low-EQ leaders are usually driven by ego. They don’t listen because they already think they know everything. They shut people down, dismiss concerns, and treat feedback like an insult. They confuse fear with respect. They believe control equals competence.

And here’s the kicker—bad behavior spreads. When the leader acts like a tyrant, others start copying them. Middle managers start managing through fear. Teams stop collaborating. People start protecting themselves instead of helping each other. Toxicity becomes the culture.

Signs You're Dealing with a Low-EQ Leader

You don’t need a psychology degree to spot one. Here’s what they do:

·      Micromanage every detail because they don’t trust anyone else.

·      Whipsaw the team, often changing projects and priorities.

·      Dismiss feedback with a smirk or a tantrum.

·      Blow up over small things and stay silent on big ones.

·      Show zero empathy when someone’s struggling.

·      Blame others for their own screw-ups.

·      Take credit when things go well and disappear when they don’t.

·      Fire people who disagree with them.

These behaviors destroy trust. People cease being honest. Communication turns into a battle for survival rather than collaboration. The team spends more time managing the leader’s emotions than doing real work.

What You Can Do If You’re Stuck Under One

First rule: Protect your sanity. You don’t need to fix them. You need to survive them.

Set boundaries. Be clear about your role, your workload, and your limits. You’re not their therapist. You’re not their emotional punching bag. You’re there to do your job, not absorb their dysfunction.

Document everything. Keep a record of conversations, decisions, and any behavior that crosses the line. It’s not paranoia. It’s protection.

Stay professional. Don’t mirror their chaos. Don’t get baited into emotional reactions. Keep your tone calm. Keep your work clean. Be the adult in the room.

Know when to speak up and when to shut up. If you need to raise an issue, do it with facts, not feelings. If they’re having a meltdown, don’t feed it. Let it pass. You’re not going to win a shouting match with someone who thinks yelling is a leadership skill.

How to Lead Up Without Losing Your Soul

You can’t change your boss, but you can influence them—if you’re smart about it.

Start with calm, fact-based communication. Don’t lead with emotion. Lead with evidence. Show impact. Frame things in a way that doesn’t trigger their fragile ego. Say, “Here’s what I’m seeing and here’s what we can do,” not “You’re the problem.”

Manage your own reactions. If they’re being difficult, don’t match their energy. Stay grounded. Stay in control. Your emotional regulation is your power.

Build credibility. Be consistent. Be reliable. Be the person they can’t ignore. Over time, that influence can shift things—if not them, then at least how they treat you.

What Good Leaders Do Differently

Good leaders don’t need to be the loudest person in the room. They listen more than they talk. They ask questions. They pay attention to how their words land. They delay reactions, assess situations, and make thoughtful decisions.

They don’t panic when plans change. They adapt. They communicate clearly. They take responsibility when things go wrong. They don’t throw people under the bus—they figure out what went wrong and fix it.

They regulate their emotions. They don’t weaponize them. They create a space where people feel safe, challenged, and valued. That’s not a weakness. That’s a strength.

How to Build Your Own EQ (So You Don’t Turn Into Them)

Start with self-awareness. Notice your triggers. Pay attention to how you react under stress. Ask yourself, “What’s the impact of my behavior right now?”

Practice empathy. That doesn’t mean feeling sorry for people. It means understanding where they’re coming from. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Don’t just hear the words—pay attention to the tone, the body language, the silence.

Control your emotional responses. That doesn’t mean suppressing them. It means choosing how and when to respond. Don’t let your emotions run your mouth. Pause. Think. Then speak.

Be consistent. People trust what they can predict. If you’re calm one day and explosive the next, you’re not a leader. You’re a liability.

Get feedback. Ask people how you show up. Don’t get defensive. Use it. Reflect regularly. Get a coach if you need one. This stuff isn’t magic. It’s a skill. You can learn it.

When It’s Time to Leave

Some environments can’t be fixed. If your leader is toxic, the culture is broken, and your mental health is circling the drain, it’s time to go.

Ask yourself: What’s this costing me? Is this job worth the stress, the anxiety, the constant second-guessing? If the answer is no, don’t wait for it to get better. It probably won’t.

You don’t owe loyalty to dysfunction. You owe it to yourself to work somewhere that respects you. Walk away and find a place where leadership doesn’t mean emotional abuse in a suit.

Don’t Be the As#%*le You Work For

Emotional intelligence isn’t a bonus skill. It’s the foundation of good leadership. If you’re in a position of power, you’re shaping people’s lives. Do it with empathy. Do it with self-control. Do it with some awareness.

Stop normalizing bad behavior just because someone has a title. Start holding leaders to a higher standard—including yourself.

If you want to build your EQ, lead better, and stop the cycle of dysfunction, let’s talk. I work with people who want to start being the solution, not the problem. Schedule a real conversation here.