The Most Important Characteristic of a Leader: Curiosity

In Ted Lasso, there's a scene where the eternally optimistic American football coach ends up at a pub face-to-face with Rupert Mannion—the smug, vindictive ex-husband of his boss, Rebecca. Rupert has just made a power move by purchasing shares in AFC Richmond under his new wife's name so he can torment Rebecca by sitting in the owner's box during every game. Ted, sensing his boss is about to be emotionally steamrolled, steps in with a simple challenge: a game of darts.

The wager? If Rupert wins, he gets to choose the team's lineup for the next two games. If Ted wins, Rupert stays the hell out of the owner's box. Naturally, Rupert—full of arrogance—accepts, confident he'll humiliate the Midwestern soccer coach who clearly knows nothing about proper British pub games.

As Ted throws his darts, he tells Rupert a story. He explains that people have underestimated him his entire life, and for years, it bothered him. But one day he saw a Walt Whitman quote painted on a wall: "Be curious, not judgmental." And it hit him. All those people who belittled him? Not a single one of them was curious. "Cause if they were curious, they would've asked questions," Ted says. "Questions like: 'Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?' To which I would've answered: 'Yes, sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father, from age ten til I was 16 when he passed away.'"

Bullseye. “Barbeque sauce.” Game over. Rupert loses.

(As Fr. Rushmore once told me, “Two ears, one mouth, Mr. Santinelli.” Ted gets it.)

The Foundation of Great Leadership

I spend a lot of my time reading about great leaders and leadership. The one thing that stands out as a common trait among the best leaders is a mindset of continuous learning and curiosity. If someone is genuinely curious, they also show humility, are open to feedback and challenges to their thinking, and they behave more like a team member rather than using their positional power as a blunt instrument.

Sure, other qualities matter—adaptability, confidence, expertise in their field, vision, and communication skills. But everything seems to begin with curiosity. A curious leader fosters innovation, psychological safety, and genuine collaboration. An incurious leader? They foster fear, groupthink, and a culture where the smartest person in the room is always themselves. (Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.)

Research from Harvard Business School found that fostering curiosity helps leaders and their employees adapt to uncertain market conditions and external pressures. When our curiosity is sparked, we think more deeply and rationally about decisions and generate more creative solutions. Organizations led by curious leaders consistently outperform their competitors.

The Curiosity Imperative

When people ask me, "How can I become a great leader?" my go-to answer is simple: Be curious. Ask powerful questions rather than being judgmental or condescending, so you don't shut down discussion or new ideas. Stop trying to be the smartest person in the room; it's exhausting and ineffective. Instead, become the most curious person in the room.

This involves mastering what the Co-Active coaching model calls Level 3 Listening, or "Global Listening." Most people listen at Level 1—internal listening—where their focus is mainly on their own thoughts, feelings, and judgments. Level 2 is Focused Listening, where attention shifts completely to the other person with intense focus. But Level 3? That's where the real magic happens.

Level 3 Listening goes beyond just the speaker and involves awareness of the environment and all your senses. You're taking in not only the words spoken but also the surrounding atmosphere, non-verbal cues, and the energy in the room. You notice what's not being said. This is the listening level of truly great leaders—the ones who create psychological safety and make people feel heard on a fundamental level.

Most importantly, make sure people feel comfortable contributing to any discussion without fearing judgment, punishment, or mockery. And let's be clear about mockery: calling people names only shows one's own deep insecurities and lack of confidence in leadership. True leaders lift others up. Insecure poseurs tear them down.

Building a Culture of Curiosity

Want to build a great company? Start by cultivating a culture where curiosity and listening are highly valued. Hire curious people. Seek individuals who listen carefully, ask questions thoughtfully, and have shown they are resilient and collaborative problem solvers.

Google's Project Aristotle found that psychological safety was the number one predictor of team success. And how do you create psychological safety? By being curious, by asking questions, by genuinely caring about what your team members think and feel. (An old friend taught me this: “No one cares what you know, until they know that you care.”)

Research on workplace curiosity shows that curious employees are more likely to be seen as competent, creative, and high-performing. McKinsey found that top-quartile cultures—which prize curiosity and psychological safety—outperform median cultures by 60% and bottom-quartile cultures by an impressive 200%.

The Choice

Here's the thing: Curiosity is a choice. Every single day, you can choose to be like Rupert—arrogant, dismissive, wrapped up in your own superiority—or you can choose to be like Ted.

Ted Lasso isn't just a TV show about soccer (sorry, football). It's a masterclass in leadership done right. Ted didn't win that game of darts because he was the most talented or experienced. He won because Rupert made the fatal mistake of assuming rather than asking. He won because Rupert was judgmental instead of curious.

The next time you're in a meeting, ask yourself: Am I being curious, or am I being judgmental? Am I asking questions, or am I waiting to tell everyone what I already know? Am I listening at Level 3, or am I just waiting for my turn to talk?

Your team will know the difference. Your company's performance will reflect it.